Top Secret Classified: 2008

This is the Christmas letter we sent out to our family and far away friends. There was of course a cute picture of the kids and of Dan and I, but those pics are already posted here on the blog so...
I thought I would post the letter portion for those of you we couldn't get a letter to. And to have a record of this fine piece and to show off my hubby's creative talent a bit.

Top Secret Classified:
OPERATION: I don't speak Whinese! 2008

Esteemed collegues. Many agents were lost to insanity, and one to a TPLM (Toddler Propelled "Lightning McQueen") in bringing you this information. After a detailed and thorough 12 month investigation, it is determined that Family "J" poses no real threat to national security after all. It has been determined, however, that anyone too close of quarters is subject to a litany of potential boo-boo's ouchies and bonked noggins. Many of which, by the screeching the kids make after incurring said injuries are nearly fatal. The fact detailed below speak for themselves. We have used code for their first names in case of this mission being compromised....

Hercules: Poses as a plain-clothes Credit Specialist for a local Oil Company. He was promoted to "Manager" under curious circumstances. Dubiously drives around a mini-van as to not blow his cover. He has been known to consume a small country's worth of calories in a single sitting. Has an affinity for sports of all kinds. He's often threatened to complete his Master's Degree. Agents often take this treat semi-seriously and mostly consider it "chatter". His secret weapon seems to be an operatic singing. Many covert operatives posing as birthday guests were later found uncouscience and bleeding from the ears after his infamous birthday song attack.

Mama Mia: Classy lady with the patience of Job. She can endure endless amounts of torture in the form of 3 screeching children while watching 4 howling others. Do not mess with this woman! She believes that "Water-Boarding" is an activity at the lake. She seems to enjoy the punishment her children mete out and often can be found smiling or laughing through it all. Hercules seems to be particularly interested in her, although she can side-step his advances with the grace and strength of a Russian Ballerina. She did disappear with said Hunk for 7 days and it is rumored they rendezvoused in tropical Cancun, Mexico to devise more sinister plots against our security. All agents attempts at following the couple were thwarted.

Check Mate: So named due to his propensity at the game of chess. Might I remind you he is only 5 years old! He can be found, coloring, jumping on the tramp, pestering his younger brother, and is starting to read quite well. As stated, his newest thing is playing chess, which if left unattended, he will do for hours on end. He has even been found doing this against himself. (It is amazing how he always wins THOSE matches...) We are keeping a close eye on this potential talent as we are supicious that his game playing might be a guise to more nefarious schemes. We fear he could defeat us with nothing but his mind powers if it were his wish. Truly, we are all just pawns in his hands...

Chortle: Don't let the name fool you! This 4 year old is made of pure steel! The superman shirt underneath his clothing is not just a costume! We watched him take a fork to the eye, a "Matchbox Car" missile to the dome, and a flying header down 2 flights of stairs only to get back up after a couple minutes of "fake" crying and play as though nothing had happened. I have watched groomed agents fold like so much laundry under less duress. He has also been know to defeat inflatable punching bags in 10 minutes flat. He has a dangerous wit as well... Comments like, "I threw Lightning McQueen at the big bouncy ball and the bouncy ball threw it back" (as blood poured down his face) are frequent. We know that he is a formidable foe, one that we won't easily subdue. Time-outs seem to have no effect on this fellow.

No, I Go: Named after his favorite word and the fact he thinks he can go and do whatever he wants. This 1 year old is spry, limber, determined, and independent. He is a true recipe for disaster and mayhem. He can disrupt solace and order in a matter of seconds and has been seen running from room to room laughter and discord in tandem...His ability to subdue with a smile one second and then shred your eardrum with his howling the next, makes him a deadly adversary.

Consider yourself briefed... this message will most-likely NOT self-destruct.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Family "J"